If you want love and abundance in your life, give it away.
– Unknown

Someone once said that your attitude determines your altitude. That is, your attitude, your view of the world, determines the level or height of your success. This statement applies to anything we undertake in life — including dating! Dating is one of those areas in life which has its own ups and downs. How we approach dating, through our attitude, will greatly influence the results we achieve.

Conscious singles don’t believe in the myth that there’s only “one” right person for them. That’s scarcity thinking. Instead, adopt a mindset of abundance. You can create a happy and fulfilled relationship with many different people. It’s up to you to find the person who is right for you. If your relationship ends, you will find another great person to date.

Your attitude is an interesting part of who you are. It’s influenced by your general disposition towards life and people. It’s affected by your life experiences, but it’s also the one part of you of which you are the master. You and you alone control your attitude – the way you choose to view life. You can change it any time you wish.

You are empowered as the author of your life script. The future you will experience is largely due to the nature of thoughts you decide to allow into your mind — the building blocks of what becomes your attitude. You can choose happy, peaceful, and positive thoughts or you can choose the alternative. It’s up to you.

So how can you influence your thoughts around dating? What can you do to make sure you’re thinking positive, upbeat thoughts? That’s easy. Use a filter. Filters are tools that strain out or don’t allow certain things to pass through.

Coffee filters don’t allow the coffee grounds to end up in your cup of java. Air filters shield your carburetor from “inhaling” dust and other pollutants that will damage your car engine. Filters keep the bad stuff out. Likewise, you can filter what you allow into your mind by what you choose to think, listen to, read and talk about.

If you want to maintain a positive attitude about dating, there are several things you can do:

First, read uplifting books about dating — not the ones that focus on disparaging either men or women and certainly not the ones that describe relationships in cynical ways. Instead, find books written by coaches and other experts who offer good solid advice, uplifting stories, and dating success tips.

Second, surround yourself with others who are happy and who have a positive attitude towards people. Whether they’re dating or married, associate with others who are successful in relationships so that you can witness success in action. There’s no better way to learn success than by being surrounded by it.

Third, steer clear of sad movies, friends who are bitter and angry about breakups, dating and relationships as well as those who generally have nothing good to say about anything!

Fourth, know that there are almost 7 billion people on this planet so there’s definitely not a shortage of people to meet. That’s fantastic news! If you can’t find someone to date, you’re not looking hard enough. If you can’t find someone on your own, enlist help. Consider online dating or a matchmaker or ask friends and family to make suggestions.

And, finally, know that you can’t always have everything on your time schedule and exactly the way you want it. Having the right attitude towards dating, however, can facilitate the process because you’ll be tuning into a different vibration. That means different people and opportunities will come into your life. Remember, anything worthwhile in life takes hard work (contrary to what Hollywood spins or people on Facebook say –the ones who never work a day in their miraculously, problem-free, ever perfect lives). Don’t fall for hype, lies, and stories. Focus on what’s important for your well being.

A great attitude is vitally important. It will make all the difference in what you see as possible for yourself, your life, and the one you want to share with someone else. It will help you navigate the twists and turns of dating, and will attract others with a similar, upbeat view of life.

Questions for Further Exploration

• What’s your attitude about dating?
• What can you do to improve your attitude – even if it’s already awesome?
• What type of attitude towards life do you find attractive? Be specific.
• Visit your local library or bookstore and find a book on dating or relationships.
• Rent a good movie that involves dating or marriage. Pay attention to the characters’ attitudes. While these are stories and often quite unrealistic in and of themselves, there are still valuable learning moments.

Copyright © 2011 by Tara Kachaturoff. All rights reserved in all media.

Tara Kachaturoff is a Master Certified Coach for Singles. Since 2003, she has coached hundreds of single men and women to create better dating relationships through her onsite and teleseminar courses. Tara is also the newsletter editor for the Relationship Coaching Institute (RCI). Her personal site is www.relationshipplanning.com.

Meeting you was fate, becoming your friend was a choice, but falling in love with you I had no control over.
– Unknown

Date, meeting, interview, meetup? We can use a variety of terms to describe the first time we meet someone. I don’t like to call a “first date” a first date. It’s really more like a meeting.

You don’t know this other person at all. You have no connection with them except that you’re both interested in meeting someone to date. Even if you’ve exchanged emails and a few phone calls beforehand, you don’t have enough information to determine if he or she is someone who would be a good fit for you. Exchanging human energy in a face-to-face meeting is vastly different from that which occurs through other means as anyone who has engaged in online dating can attest to.

Your first “meeting” is not much different from meeting a new business colleague. No one is making any commitments; you’re not planning to engage in any intense discussions or negotiations. You’re just having a meeting. Here are some tips to help keep focused on your purpose and your senses and emotions in check:

• Keep the meeting short. Meet for 30 to 60 minutes — that’s it. This isn’t the place to do a complete reveal of your life history – there definitely won’t be enough time for that. Keep things short and sweet. Leave him or her wanting to find out more – on a future date– should there be one. Look at this as a time to gain an “overview” of the new person. Trust me, you’ll know if a few minutes if you want to see this person again– or not. Make it clear, ahead of time, how much time you have for the meeting. Stick to your plan. You can always schedule another meeting if the opportunity if necessary.

• Keep things “light.” First meetings are not the time or place for airing deep issues. Have fun, share some interests, and try to gauge whether there’s any chemistry.

• Avoid food or alcohol. Keep your senses about you. If you can’t focus on the other person exclusively, without distractions like a meal or alcohol, then there probably isn’t a good fit. You need to be comfortable having conversations without all the props. People need to like you because of who you are, without all the accessories. Instead, have some bottled water or a cup of coffee or tea.

• Meet in the morning or afternoon. This keeps things light and easy. Reserve the evening for more serious dates once you get to know each other better.

• Don’t over dress. Dress in your regular everyday attire and downplay any accessories. Be yourself. Eventually, if things go well, he or she will see you in your finest attire. Just be natural and see if someone finds you attractive just the way you are.

• Ask questions and listen to the answers. Rather than talking a lot about yourself, use this meeting to ask questions which help you determine if this person fits with your pre-defined relationship requirements. Relationship requirements are your non-negotiable “must-haves” for you to be in a relationship in the first place. Remember, if he or she doesn’t fit with even one of your requirements, then this person is not the right person for you.

• Be safe. Always tell one or two friends who, where and when you’ll be meeting this potential “date.” To be on the safe side, give them as much information as you can about the person you’ll be meeting including name, description, telephone numbers and other information. Always meet in a safe public place that you’re familiar with and where you can easily enter and exit. Never meet at someone’s home or in an area where you don’t feel safe. Always, trust your instincts. If something doesn’t seem right or feels off, do not proceed further, and if necessary, don’t show up at all.

If you want to really enjoy meeting new people, keep it simple, light and authentic. If they don’t like the normal “regular you,” they’re not going to like you any better later on.

Also, pay attention to those first impressions – they speak volumes. In fact, we actually form our impressions of someone we meet in less than 5 seconds. People are typically on their best behavior the first few times you meet them. Typically, things don’t improve significantly from the initial time you meet.

You don’t need dozens of dates to determine if someone is worthwhile getting to know better. Common sense, past experience, your intuition or gut check will serve you well. Knowing your relationship requirements, needs and wants – in advance – will help you sort through potential dating opportunities much more quickly.

Have fun and meet as many people as you’re comfortable meeting and keep things safe.

Questions for Further Exploration

• What have you done while at other first meetings (first dates) that you never plan to do again? Too much talking? Revealing too many personal details? Be specific.
• Whats your plan for your next “first meeting”?
• What places are you most comfortable meeting at?
• When it comes to meeting new people, what time of day works best for you?
• What types of things would you hope to chat about at your next first meeting to keep things light and easy?

Copyright © 2011 by Tara Kachaturoff. All rights reserved in all media.

Tara Kachaturoff is a Master Certified Coach for Singles. Since 2003, she has coached hundreds of single men and women to create better dating relationships through her onsite and teleseminar courses. Tara is also the newsletter editor for the Relationship Coaching Institute (RCI). Her personal site is www.relationshipplanning.com.

It’s the middle of summer (at least in the United States) and that means it’s that wonderful time of year reserved for taking long vacations, spending more time outdoors, reading juicy novels while sitting poolside, sipping cool drinks and enjoying tasty barbeques. It’s that time for family and friends to come together to share stories and make memories.  For some, however, summer can be a time of dread – with no one to spend happy times with, no where special to go and no exciting prospects on the horizon for any of these things.

The good news is that you can change all of this.  The even better news is that there are some easy things that you can do right now, during the lazy days of summer, to not only make it a memorable one, but also to increase your chances of meeting that special man or woman. And, if per chance you don’t meet anyone right away, you will have enjoyed more life experiences, made more friends, and enriched your life in many wonderful ways – all things which will make you even more attractive when the right person shows up!

#1  Focus on Fun. As they say, your energy flows where your thoughts go. So if you want to have fun this summer, focus on it. Adopt an open, playful and light attitude for the next few months. When you intentionally focus your thoughts on having fun, that’s what you see. The “energy of fun” naturally resonates at a frequency of which we all want to be a part.

When you focus your thoughts on things that make you happy, you’ll attract that and more to you and your life!  If you need a quick and easy way to focus on the right things, adopt the mantra “Summer Fun” and keep saying it to yourself over and over until it plays automatically in your head.  If you really want to have some fun with it, design a colorful t-shirt with your favorite things and add these words. Focus on what you want and you’ll get it.

#2  Enjoy Your Hobbies and Interests. If you want to add fool-proof instant fun to your life, jump into enjoying your hobbies. Whether it’s bicycling or eating out at new restaurants, or perhaps listening to your iPod while taking long walks in the park, in the mountains or along the beach, it’s time to do the stuff that’s easy and already fun for you. This brightens your spirits and can put you in the optimum time and place to possibly meet that someone special.

For some things, you might not want to do them alone, so it’s a perfect opportunity to grab a friend and double the fun. If you go online to visit groups like MeetUp, you may be able to find others who are interested in your same hobbies and, if no group exists, create your own and people can come to you!  It’s all good.  Don’t mope around and drown in despair about being dateless; go out and have fun doing the things that bring you joy.

#3  Get Social. Whether dating is or isn’t on the top of your list, it’s important to spend some time socializing. When you spend too much time alone, your energy gets stale and dull. You begin to overthink things and you start to get increasingly self-focused and self-critical.  On occasion you may start sliding down the slippery slope and then, before you know it, you’re on your way to a pity party for one.

You don’t need to join a group or start hanging out with people with whom you would rather not. Instead, just get out of the house. Visit outdoor markets, enjoy a coffee at an outdoor café or while strolling through the mall.  Make sure you’re connecting with people. Introduce yourself, shake hands, make eye contact and find ways to engage in small talk even if it’s for just a minute. While this sounds trivial, it’s actually very important so that you don’t allow your social skills to deteriorate.

When you don’t practice socializing, you get out of touch and can feel awkward when you need to really be at your best.  If you can’t think of anything to do, find a local organization that needs an extra set of hands to help their cause and volunteer at least an hour of your time weekly.  This way you can have fun, get social, and help others in need.

#4  Try a New View. As humans, we’re naturally creatures of comfort. We don’t care too much for change, opting instead to stick with what we know and understand.  We like things to be easy and predictable and “change” often refers to circumstances that are out of our control and perhaps not welcome because it’s not on our terms.  But change can help you see things from a new perspective and that’s good. When we see with “new eyes,” suddenly a problem can be solved, a worry can be wiped away, and a concern can be quieted.

Start with something easy. Rearrange the furniture in your bedroom or living room.  Paint a room a different color. Start getting up or going to bed at a new time.  These are simple, low-stress ways to get a new view. Notice how you feel. Most likely, you’ll fee refreshed, re-energized and feel empowered to  make even more changes now that you stepped out an made one or two simple ones.  A new view will also affect how you put yourself out in the world with others. It may start attracting new people while at the same time causing others to go on their way.  Look upon this as a good things and set your intention that this will evolve you closer to your relationship goals while also adding a little spice to your summer fun.

#5  Who and What Do You Want – You Decide! You’re single and it’s summer – what a powerful opportunity.   You might not necessarily think so, but rest assured that there’s many a married man or woman who wishes they had  the chance to have a clean slate to start over.  You’re in the best possible place ever. You can script out what you want for yourself. You can make decisions about who and what you want in your life and then take the steps to make it a reality.

What’s the vision for your life? What do you want to do, be and have?  What type of mate or date are you looking for?  What are your relationship requirements, needs and wants?  These are the big and important questions you need to be asking yourself.  You may want to journal about exactly who you’re looking for and the type of life you desire to co-create.  Don’t be concerned with “getting” what you want; focus, instead, on unearthing a crystal clear vision of what you really want.  The more clarity, the easier you’ll be able to attract it.

These five easy tips can help you create an unforgettable summer.  By investing in yourself now, you’ll be investing in your future later.  You’re single and it’s summer. Celebrate. This is your golden opportunity to make each and every day count. Keep if fun. Keep it light. Keep it focused on who and what you want most for your life.  As the long shadows of fall begin to show themselves in late September, you’ll have wonderful memories to reflect upon as if reading a chapter of a book called, What I did on My Summer Vacation.  Get inspired and start making it happen!

Tara Kachaturoff is a Master Certified Coach for Singles. Since 2003, she has coached hundreds of single men and women to create better dating relationships through her onsite and teleseminar courses. Tara is also the newsletter editor for the Relationship Coaching Institute (RCI). Her personal site is www.relationshipplanning.com.