By Tara Kachaturoff

It’s easy to get caught up in the rat race, living life unconsciously from day-to-day. You get stuck in ruts and routines and just want to survive through busy weeks to arrive at yet busier weekends. Life can become boring. Not only do you suffer, but your love relationship can suffer as well.

Over time, our relationships can become stale and starchy, dusty and dull. It’s up to you and your partner to keep things interesting.  When you invest in your relationship, it invests back in you –- providing the dividends of increased intimacy, deeper connection and more happiness.  Now that’s an investment no one would want to pass up!

With the changing of the seasons, from spring to summer in the northern hemisphere and from fall to winter in the southern, it’s a great time to stretch yourself, try new things, and reinvigorate not only yourself, but also your relationship with your life partner.

While change may sometimes be uncomfortable, it’s often what catches your attention, awakens your heart and mind, and energizes you.  It can be a catalyst that keeps your relationship interesting and engaging and moving forward in a positive direction — for both of you!

Here are some ways to invigorate your relationship. They’re simple, easy, and guaranteed to make a positive difference in your relationship.

#1  Planes, Trains and Automobiles.

Plan a simple one day or weekend trip with your partner, but do it with a twist. Instead of planning it in excruciating detail, give yourself only one hour to plan the entire thing from start to finish – and both of you need to do it together.  Make it simple, take a mode of transportation you don’t typically use, and plan one activity you absolutely want to accomplish on your trip. And, just to keep things interesting, each of you can only bring one overnight bag.

For example, my partner and I might plan a trip to Chicago, by train, and plan to have lunch at The Cheesecake Factory followed by a late dinner and dancing at another fun downtown venue.  Make it an adventure – it’s more fun that way.

#2.  Date Night with a Twist.

That sounds kind of boring, right?  Well, it doesn’t need to be. Rather than planning a special night every week until death do you part, make them sporadic and spontaneous!  To make this even more fun, sit down with your partner, write down some crazy date ideas and save them in an envelope.

Write down 20 to 30 ideas that you would both be willing to commit to. They can include themes, dressing up, visits to special places (and don’t forget the places you’ve always wanted to visit), and anything else that seems fun, adventurous and something you would love to share with your partner.  When you’re looking to spend a fun day together or a night on the town, just grab your envelope of ideas, select one and run with it.

For example, if you planned something around a 50’s theme, you might visit a local malt shop or go out for fast food and buy a milk shake and a burger.  And, make that one milkshake with two straws — so you can share!

#3.  Talk Time.

How much time do you spend talking to your partner – really talking to him or her about things you both care about?  I’m not referring to arguing about the kids, talking about chores, or defending your most recent purchases (this applies equally to guys and gals).  If the only talking you do is about problems, then you need to make some changes — and quickly!

The fastest way to increase intimacy in your relationship is to engage in regular, meaningful conversations.  You don’t need to spend countless hours in deep discussion, but instead, set aside at least 15 to 30 minutes a day where you can just connect.  Make it a special and relaxing time.  Let your hair down, enjoy a glass of wine, and engage in some nice, non-stressful conversation. You may want to even make a game out of it and have both of you write down topics on pieces of paper and then select one or more of them each time you sit down.  There are also books filled with questions that are fun for couples. Be creative. Talk about anything as long as it’s light and easy.  It’s great way to create some memories and connection with your loved one, not to mention a wonderful relaxing break for both of you.

These three simple ideas are easy to implement and are great “let’s-do-this-together” activities. They provide wonderful opportunities to invest in what you value most – your relationship. Little things do mean a lot and they can make the difference in your personal happiness and the success of your relationship. Your challenge:  Plan to do one of these with your partner in the next 24 hours!

Copyright © 2011 by Tara Kachaturoff and www.relationshipplanning.com. All rights reserved in all media.

Tara Kachaturoff is a Master Certified Coach for Singles. Since 2003, she has coached hundreds of single men and women to create better dating relationships through her onsite and teleseminar courses. Tara is also the newsletter editor for the Relationship Coaching Institute (RCI).  Her personal site is www.relationshipplanning.com.

I want to give online dating a try. What tips can you suggest for someone completely new to this?

Rachel in Roanoke

Online dating is a fast, easy and convenient way of connecting with a potential mate! There’s simply no other way available where you can connect with so many people, in so little time, all in one place! To increase your success:

• Clarify your relationship requirements. What must you absolutely have (or not have) for you to be in a relationship? Include these in your narrative.
• Quickly sort thru replies and only spend time interacting with prospects who are highly aligned with who you’re looking for. Online dating can be time consuming; manage your time wisely.
• Trust your instincts. If something doesn’t feel right, move on quickly. Whether it’s a photo, something in a posted profile, or a response they sent to you, don’t second guess your feelings.
• Be organized. Maintain a simple written record of people you interact with including contact details, characteristics that resonate with you, and other stand out attributes that make them memorable. This will be helpful as you interact with them both online, and possibly, in person.

And, most important, have a great attitude. Online dating can be fun. If it isn’t, try something else that resonates with who you are.

Tara Kachaturoff

My girlfriend has a fabulous marriage. She and her husband seem to be on the same wavelength about everything. They get along, share a lot of the same interests, do a lot of things together, etc. She tells me they have challenges just like any other couple, but they put their relationship as a top priority above all else. How can I create a great relationship with my partner — someone who doesn’t necessarily see it as a top priority? Where do I start and can I do things on my own that will make it great for both of us? Can you make a relationship great even if one of you is much more invested in it than the other?

Tonya in Terre Haute

Attracting what you want in your relationship starts with a vision. Picture in your mind what you really desire; feel the feelings you want to experience. Make sure you imagine yourself interacting and enjoying your relationship with your partner. Take it a step further and write your ideas on a piece of paper, focusing on all the things you want to see manifested for both of you. Consider creating a treasure map or vision board that includes pictures and other mementos so you can have a visual display to look at daily.

Start living into your vision by doing the things you want to experience in your own relationship. While not every relationship issue can be resolved by only one of you changing, it’s a great place to start. As Mahatma Gandhi said, “Be the change you want to see in the world.” It can start with you and just you. We learn and model our own behaviors and thoughts by the examples to which we’re exposed. It’s no different in our relationships. As you change, so will your partner.

Tara Kachaturoff