It’s one thing to know about dating red flags, but it’s another thing to have strategies to counter them or to avoid them in the first place.  There are many ways to avoid getting deeply involved in a relationship that isn’t right for you.  I think one of the most important strategies is to take things slowly.

Think about what it’s like to drive a car fast.  When you’re driving fast, you miss a lot of the scenery along the way.  Everything is a blur as you race your car from somewhere to some place.  And, if obstacles appear ahead, it may be difficult for you to maneuver without causing damage to your vehicle, to others, and to yourself.

The same thing applies to relationships.  A relationship is not a destination.  That being said, there’s no race to get from here to there.  Relationships are a journey — they are made of moments of sharing, caring, intimacy and everything in between.

When you move too quickly, you can jeopardize your health, your wealth, and your happiness.  You need to take your time to see if someone is safe for you.  Making snap decisions, rearranging your life or lifestyle, or taking other actions to accommodate a newfound “would be” partner is highly risky.  Every day we hear about people doing this, often with very unfortunate results.

Why might it be important to you that you take things slowly?  It’s important to know the answer to this question before you start dating.

When you’re dating, it’s important to be aware of red flags – like this one:

He or She is a Poor Listener — Always Talking, Never Listening:

The truth is that the relationship is all about them.  I can assure you it will never be about you.

Excerpted from Dating Red Flags: What You Need to Know by Tara Kachaturoff.

Unfortunately, ignoring something typically never results in it going away.  The same thing is true for dating red flags.  In fact, if they’re ignored for too long, you might end up getting married to him or her!  There are many reasons why people ignore things, but when it comes to dating issues, I often see the same things repeatedly.

One of the most common reasons single men and women ignore red flags centers around having a scarcity mentality.  They believe that if they don’t stay in their current relationship, no matter
how bad it is, and how poorly it’s aligned with their life vision and goals, they just won’t find another one.

Adopting a scarcity mentality keeps people stuck, tolerating unhappy, unfulfilling relationships.  Contrary to what many believe, there’s not just one person on the earth for each person.  We’re
all capable of creating fulfilling relationships with many different people.  It’s just a matter of making the decision to do it.

And, as for there being a scarcity of people to date, according to the US Government Year 2000 Census, there were over 100 million singles. Look at these interesting statistics regarding the marital status of Americans. For purposes of this study, adults are considered to be 15 years of age and older.

- Total Adults in the US (age 15+): 221.1 million
- Total Adults currently married: 120.2 million (54.4%)
- Total Adults widowed or divorced: 41 million (18.5%)
- Total Adults never married: 59.9 million (27.1%)
- Total Singles: 101 million (46%)

- Age 15 – 24: 33,719,470 (86% of this group is single, 13% is married)
- Age 25 – 34: 17,770,233 (45% of this group is single)
- Age 35 – 59: 30,416,342 (31% of this age group is single, only 11.6% never married)
- Age 60+ : 18,993,285 (41.5% of this age group is single, only 4% never married)

When you’re dating, it’s important to be aware of red flags – like this one:

He or She Needs Constant Attention:

I’m afraid that job belongs to his or her mommy and daddy.  You’re probably dealing with a narcissist.  Dealing with a red flag like this is like trying to fill up a bucket that’s filled with holes.  It’s never going to happen. Don’t go there.

Excerpted from Dating Red Flags: What You Need to Know by Tara Kachaturoff.

Singles need to know about dating red flags for many reasons — especially because they’ve often been ignored in the past and have led to dating disappointment.  While red flags certainly aren’t the cause or the blame for every relationship breakup, when they’re ignored, they tend to create very difficult
circumstances.  It’s so much better to see the signs early on so that you can make decisions in alignment with what you most want for your life.

There are many reasons why you need to know about dating red flags.  A few of these include:

1.  Red flag behaviors are a poor foundation for a happy relationship.

Life is filled with challenges.  It can be hard enough to manage daily life when you’re on your own, but add another person to the mix and you better have a solid foundation in place.  Trying to build an enjoyable, meaningful and sustainable relationship with someone who demonstrates poor behavior is like trying to build a home, on stilts, in quicksand.  Impossible!

2.  Red flags can be dangerous to yourself and your loved ones.

3.  An awareness of red flags empowers you to make better decisions – especially about selecting the right partner in life.

Why do you feel you need to know about dating red flags?  How do you think this knowledge will affect your relationship plans?

When you’re dating, it’s important to be aware of red flags – like this one:

He or She is Jealous of Your Friends and Family

Why would anyone be jealous?  A freakishly high level of possessiveness is a red flag.  I’ve notice that a lot of jealous people are also control freaks.  This is too much work.  Don’t go there.

Excerpted from Dating Red Flags: What You Need to Know by Tara Kachaturoff.

Dating red flags are behaviors you observe in someone you just met, or in someone you’re currently dating, which may cause harm to you mentally, emotionally, or physically.  They are not conducive to creating a long-term, happy, sustainable relationship.

These behaviors are often ignored by men and women who are over eager to create a relationship, even when they may bring harm to themselves — – and possibly to others.  The “others” include their family of origin, relatives, their own children, friends, and even coworkers and other acquaintances.

For some reason, the newly dating or those who are highly unaware never seem to see them.  While the red flags are big, impressive, oppressive, and waving in all their glory, they’re still ignored.   I educate my clients to pay attention to the warning signs – and to take action when they observe behaviors which are counter to creating a positive, fulfilling relationship.

What’s your definition of a red flag?  What are some of the red flags you’ve observed in your past relationships or even in your current one?

When you’re dating, it’s important to be aware of red flags – like this one:

He or She Says One Thing and Does Another: Words and Actions Don’t Match:  Yikes!

We all say things on occasion and don’t follow through.  A steady diet of this means something else — lying.  There’s never a place for lying in a relationship.  It’s important to note the degree of consistency
between words and actions.  A healthy person is someone whose thoughts, words, and actions are highly aligned.

Excerpted from Dating Red Flags: What You Need to Know by Tara Kachaturoff.

Relationships are what life is all about. They’re about connecting with others, either on a personal or professional level. The quality of our relationships with others is due, in large part, to the choices we make. While we can’t control or change the behavior of others, we can certainly make personal
choices about who we allow into our lives.

Contrary to what has been said, what you don’t know can hurt you. A failure to understand and avoid red flags can possibly bring harm to you – mentally, emotionally and/or physically. Relationships take a great deal of time, money, and energy. They’re an investment that can bring a lifetime of enjoyment,
companionship, and happiness; however, relationships built in opposition to glaring red flags are often destined for disaster.

Poor personal relationships are often the result of ignoring red flags. Given that, we can conclude we might do better if we paid attention to them. Dating red flags are often ignored by men and women, who are eager to date, and who are fervently searching for the love of their life. They say love is blind. That’s true. Many new to dating or those who are dating again after experiencing a breakup, divorce, or loss of a partner, often fail to see danger signs because they’re driven by other conscious and sometimes unconscious needs and wants.

When you’re dating, it’s important to be aware of red flags – like this one:

He or She Has No Support or Interests Outside of the Relationship

I hope you’re really strong because a person like this will break you.  If your new acquaintance doesn’t have any friends, hobbies, family, or interests outside of the relationship, all of his or her energies and attention will be focused directly on you.  Does that sound good to you?  I hope not!

Excerpted from Dating Red Flags: What You Need to Know by Tara Kachaturoff