Question:  How to avoid an abusive relationship?

I’m in my forties and ended an abusive relationship about a year and a half ago.  I want to start dating again as I’m seeking a committed relationship, and one day, marriage. I want to select a better person next time.  How can I make better dating choices in the future?

Laura in Lake Forest

I’m happy to hear that you’ve moved on from an abusive relationship. Life is much too short and precious to spend it with the wrong person.  There are several things I would suggest doing to attract the right types of people.  These suggestions require that you focus on yourself first.  When we value and love ourselves, we can value and love others.

First, you might consider enlisting the services of a helping professional to gain more understanding of yourself. A trained therapist or counselor can help you uncover certain types of thoughts, beliefs, and behaviors that are not serving you well. Sometimes these are firmly rooted in our past.  Only when you know what they are can you effectively do something about them – including changing them.

Next, I would work with a relationship coach who can help you understand who you are and the type of individual you’re seeking for a relationship.  Creating a vision for your life, getting clear on your values and interests, and defining your relationship requirements, needs, and wants are just some of the empowering activities that you can work on together.

A coach will provide you with thoughtful feedback, questions for personal introspection, and a safe and confidential environment in which you can really map out the life you desire.  By making plans and investing in your dreams and desires, you’ll feel incredibly empowered. You will begin to view and value yourself differently. This will not only change your perspective on yourself, life, and relationships, but also it will affect the type of energy you project to others.  All of these things will play a role in attracting wonderful men to you – one’s who will treat you with respect at all times.

Keep in mind that this is a process.  All good things take diligent thought and focused effort.  And, most importantly, take your time and allow things to unfold in a gentle manner.  You’ve made the most important decision already.  You’ve moved out of an unproductive situation and began to focus on taking care of yourself first.

If you want to achieve better results, try a better method. Learn more about dating and relating so you can move in a new direction. It’s time to make some changes.   Sign up to receive complimentary dating tips http://www.DailyDatingTipsForYou.com Tara Kachaturoff works with business professionals who want to find the love of their life and live the life they love.  She’s also the author of Dating Success Tips for Singles:  52 Ways to Improve Your Relationships.  Bonus Tip:  The sooner you start, the faster you’ll be enjoying the life that you want and deserve.  Get started, create your dating plan, and claim your success!

I don’t like to call a “first date” a first date. And if you’ve taken my classes or you’ve hired me as your dating consultant and coach, you’ll understand why.  It’s really more like a meeting. And given that, it should be treated as such.  Here are some tips to help you keep focused and your senses about you when you meet new people.

1.    Keep the meeting short.  Meet for 30 to 60 minutes.  That’s it.  This isn’t a time to do a complete dump of your life history – there definitely won’t be enough time for that.  Keep things short and sweet.  Leave him or her wanting to find out more – on a future date– should there be one.  Look at this as a time to gain an “overview” of the new person.

2.    Keep things “light.”  First meetings are not the time or place for airing deep issues.  Have fun, share some interests, and try to gauge whether there’s any chemistry or not.

3.    Avoid food or alcohol.  Keep your senses about you.  If you can’t focus on the other person exclusively, without distractions like a meal or alcohol, then there probably isn’t a good fit.  You need to be comfortable having conversations without all the props.  People need to like you because of who you are, without all the accessories.

4.    Meet in the morning or afternoon.  This keeps things light and easy.  Reserve the evening for more serious dates once you get to know each other better.

5.    Don’t over dress.  Dress in your regular everyday attire.  Don’t over dress or accessorize.  Be yourself.  He or she is going to eventually see the real you – so the best way to see if someone really likes you is to be your authentic self.

If you want to achieve better results, try a better method. Learn more about dating and relating so you can move in a new direction. It’s time to make some changes.   Sign up to receive complimentary dating tips http://www.DailyDatingTipsForYou.com Tara Kachaturoff works with business professionals who want to find the love of their life and live the life they love.  She’s also the author of Dating Success Tips for Singles:  52 Ways to Improve Your Relationships.  Bonus Tip:  The sooner you start, the faster you’ll be enjoying the life that you want and deserve.  Get started, create your dating plan, and claim your success!

If you want to achieve anything in life, you need to set goals.  Goals help you focus your thoughts, resources, and actions in a direction that will lead you towards accomplishment.  They help you avoid distractions that you’ll likely encounter along the way.  Goals also provide you with solid milestones that help you assess your progress.

It’s important to set goals when it comes to dating.  If you don’t know what you want, it will be hard, or even impossible, to achieve what you most desire.  But there’s a secret to goal setting that most people don’t know about. We’ll discuss that shortly.

When it comes to dating, there are all sorts of goals you can set for yourself.  You can set the date by when you want to meet the right person.  Yes, this is really important to do and keeps you focused.  You can set goals for different fun dating ideas you’d like to explore—new restaurants, events, and other activities.

And, you can even set goals about who you want to meet, who you want to be, and how you want to grow as a person.  Everyone has their own set of personal goals.  We can all agree that you need to set goals, but there’s one missing ingredient.  You need to detach from the outcome.  That doesn’t mean you don’t go after your goals with gusto and enthusiasm.  Instead, it means that you go with the flow, are flexible to the challenges that come your way, but you’ll never allow yourself to be derailed from pursuing your desires.  Easier said than done, but it can be done.  So go set your goals and then set them free.

If you want to achieve better results, try a better method. Learn more about dating and relating so you can move in a new direction. It’s time to make some changes.   Sign up to receive complimentary dating tips http://www.DailyDatingTipsForYou.com Tara Kachaturoff works with business professionals who want to find the love of their life and live the life they love.  She’s also the author of Dating Success Tips for Singles:  52 Ways to Improve Your Relationships.  Bonus Tip:  The sooner you start, the faster you’ll be enjoying the life that you want and deserve.  Get started, create your dating plan, and claim your success!